From the desk of Christopher Turner-Neal

First of all, Meghan, I was going to go to the DMV in Mandeville across the lake which I expected to be generally less plague-ridden. And did you tell them I needed a new driver’s license because I got mugged in February? No, of course not. I cannot explain why I thought I needed a driver’s license to be quarantined.

I… was also alive the past seven years? You missed:

- DRAMATIC weight fluctuations

- Bedbugs

- Me leaving my boyfriend (who is now married, lol/gross)

- I moved back to New Orleans

- Turns out dating in your thirties is b-b-b-bleak, these men be going off warranty

- I don’t know, work stuff

- I got into an intensive drag workshop that I have to do over Zoom now so I’m spending a lot of time trying to figure out how eyeshadow works while thinking about death (which I guess is Meg Rowland cosplay [too soon?] [not soon enough?]) (I'll allow it.)

I guess I’m having a good pandemic so far, as these things go? I’m not fired (YET LOL) and I like my apartment. I have an mouse which I resent largely for being bold enough that I SAW it, so like now I have to try and kill it so it doesn’t shit in the corner and give me hantavirus and I die of the “wrong plague.”

I’ve gotten real into foraging (stealing) loquats, which grow well around here. I found a straight-up BLaCkBeRrY BrAmBLe the other day out by the park and went ham.

I’ll write something actually funny (well, I guess we’ll see) about my quarantine diet and/or eyeshadow later this week. MEG, TELL THEM ABOUT MY TRIP TO MARYLAND. I’m happy to see y’all. (It's on the docket!)