The Suddenly I’m In Financial Trouble Drinking Game!
Drink for every one of these phrases you say or think:
- “No, this is good. So, I’ll just eat lentils and canned pears and walk everywhere. So in what, five weeks? I should be in pretty good shape and can start picking up johns.”
- “It’s good not to be able to afford to go out. I’ll stay home and work on creative projects. I’ll learn to do origami, that’s it. I’ll just buy a book and DAMMIT I CAN’T AFFORD AN
ORIGAMI BOOK.”
- “Mom? How much is in your retirement account? Oh, just wondering. Uh-huh. Yeah. How do you feel?”
- “Does anyone know if that thing in American Beauty about there being a market for drug-free urine was true or just for giggles? Bueller?”
- “I’m doing this wrong. I’ll just become a Buddhist. They’re not supposed to want things.”
- “Sand irritates oysters and the oysters make beautiful pearls. All these people on the metro are irritating me and I’m producing acid reflux, which no sane woman would pay to wear.”
- “Hi, I just had a question about my coverage. It says that if I’m seriously injured, I’m covered to go to a rehab facility… right. So I was wondering, how badly would I have to be injured, and are meals included? Hello?”
Also drink when you:
- Claim the electric bill just hasn’t shown up the last few months. What are the odds?
- Look for change in the sofa cushions. Not under them; in them.
- Try to exploit a “loophole” in your lease by paying your rent in Singapore dollars, 13.426741 to the American.
- Make a mustard sandwich.
- Make mustard sandwiches for guests.
- Take a date to the Target snack bar.
See you Monday!
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13 comments:
I once also tried to pay rent in Singapore dollars. I really need a job too because I pushed an old man to the ground to grab a quarter off the ground in DC. I mean, that's normal for DC anyway, but, a shiny quarter!
JEALOUS!!!1!
But how the hell are we supposed to play this drinking game if we can't afford the alcohol to play it with? ("Drink once if you've ever contemplated substituting rubbing alcohol for liquor"....)
Bum wine. Obvs.
oh, sad! I just gave an origami animal how-to book to goodwill!
aww, mustard sandwiches. i used to eat those as a child because i liked them. But i'm right there with ya. PB&J 2 meals a day this week.
you two. lazy.
FUCK. I was feelin' purty durn successful until I hit the one about the electric bill. I once did not pay mine for EIGHT. WHOLE. MONTHS... by the magical trick of never opening the mailbox, except to check for catalogs. Envelopes must NEVER be opened, unless there's birthday money.
"But thank God her hinders are clean. Christ. Oh well, new 2 Birds Investigations tomorrow! ZIG-A-ZIG-HA!) "
What's your new definition of "tomorrow" boil down to? Out of curiosity.
This has nothing to do with today's post. It just watched it and it reminded me of this blog...http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0XM3vWJmpfo
Why do you guys always say shit like "See you Monday!" when you almost never live up to posting on the days you claim you will?
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