This PSA brought to you by Tulane Chris and specifically not Meg, who loves a good Red Panda Kabob

In recent months, I’ve changed spirit animals, ditching the querulous Chaya Goldfarb for something ultimately cuddlier and less likely to call me a son-of-a-bitch while hogging the vermouth. My new spirit animal – an actual animal, this time – is the Red Panda. A few key quotes from Wikipedia should explain why I feel an affinity for the Red Panda:

- long, soft reddish-brown fur on its upper parts 

- blackish fur on its lower parts 

- mainly nocturnal and is largely sedentary during the day 

- generally quiet except for some whistling communication sounds 

- In captivity it readily eats meat 

- does little more than eat and sleep 

- very heat sensitive (I once got too hot during an “intimate moment” and vomited on someone’s screen door) 

- a very attractive or cute animal

Tulane Chris, haggard after an evening of bum wine

Forget living a past or future life as a Red Panda, I’m living a current one. Like most cute, weird animals, (for example, me, if I can’t find a job after school) Red Pandas are endangered. Tomorrow, Saturday the 13th, is International Red Panda Day, an event promoted by the Red Panda Network, a non-profit working in the USA and Nepal to protect and conserve Red Pandas largely through coordinating with local Nepalese. I just found out about this yesterday, so I didn’t have time to coordinate with them and see what they need, but they have a lot of resources on the site (for teachers especially) and panda products.

They’re also the original panda, discovered by outsiders several years before the giant or “overrated” panda, to whom it may or may not be related. They also mate in captivity without recourse to Viagra or low-budget pornography (one of our few differences, if I’m honest), so hope is higher for the future of the Red Panda. Don’t force them to resort to show-fighting to survive.