Whose Powers Are Greater?

The Countess and the Cocksucker:

AUGUSTA ADA BYRON KING, COUNTESS OF LOVELACE

vs.

LINDA SUSAN BOREMAN, a.k.a. LINDA LOVELACE

In this inaugural edition of Whose Powers Are Greater?, we examine an age-old question. Who has done more for Western civilization: a woman who was arguably the first computer programmer, or a woman who sucked a whole mess of cocks on film? Let's match 'em up.

The Case for/against Ada Lovelace:

- Lord Byron's only legitimate child, so her mother was foxy enough to at least briefly distract him from a succession of Mediterranean teenage boys (+2 points)

- First person to write a "program," manipulating symbols according to rules, for Charles Babbage's analytical engine. She also foresaw the use of such machines beyond mere computational mathematics, which few did at the time. (+8)

- She was a countess, which was probably kind of fun (+3)

- She has an asteroid, a computer programming language, and an award for female programmers named after her (+6, +1, +1)

- Died before motion picture and was apparently reasonably discreet, so her sexual exploits went to the grave with her (0 points)

The case for/against Linda Lovelace:

- Was in Deep Throat, one of the most famous pornographic films ever, and one of the first "mainstream" porns to feature heterosexual anal sex (+10)

- Was in Deep Throat, which is about a migrating clitoris and in which she has sex with a man who looks like Dr. Mario (-1)

- Was in Deep Throat, which contains a carousel orgasm montage (+2)

- Was in Deep Throat 2, which was rated R (-2)

- Was in Linda Lovelace for President, a zainy comedy romp in which she played herself...running for president (+3, just for the concept)

- Was in Dogfucker (-40)

- Became an anti-pornography activist (-8)

The Verdict: Ada Lovelace. She was a countess who invented computer programming and has her own asteroid. Linda Lovelace fucked a dog, sucked some dick, and changed her mind. Granted, she has claimed that she was forced into the porn industry by an abusive boyfriend, but she was unable to give any proof—and Dogfucker predates Deep Throat by a couple of years. The final point in the countess's favor: Linda Lovelace did nothing to further computer programming, but by being the first computer programmer, Ada Lovelace paved the way for internet pornography, making everyone's life much, much better, and ultimately overshadowing the film pornography in which Linda Lovelace made her name. 500 bonus points and a crushing victory for Ada Lovelace.