And with that, Meghan McBlogger had fallen in love

You know what I appreciate about Ex-Co-Blogger Eddie? She's always had this oddly specific vision in her head of what the perfect guy for me would be like and is always on the look out for him. I just really appreciate that fact. Because if you asked me to describe the man of my dreams, I'd probably mull it over for a solid three minutes before concluding, "Um.............he should have...legs?" which is infinitely less helpful than Eddie's vision. And Eddie's vision really is oddly specific. Every time I tell Eddie about some new dude I've been crushing on, she'll stop me and be like, "No, no, no Meg. I see you more with a guy who wears jeans that are slightly too big for him but in an adorable little boy kind of way who will probably get drunk and sing 'Brown Eyed Girl' to you at your wedding and he'll mess up the LA LA LA LA TEE-DA's but it'll be really endearing and he's the kind of guy who's lazy and never wants to get out of bed and you guys will have matching Gopher Grabbers but it's okay because you still get shit done and you take lots of naps together and you'll have hip funny kids named Henry and Maybelle who go to Montessori school and watch Mystery Science Theater 3000 when they're home from school sick." And shit! That sounds pretty awesome to me. Thus, you can imagine how excited I was a few weeks ago when Eddie feverishly gchatted me to tell me that she had finally found the man of my dreams. She was so excited all of her messages were rapid-fire, one-word-at-a-time thoughts because sentences are too hard to construct when it involves matters of the heart. Allow me to share:

Eddie: meg
i was watching anthony bordain
and his special effects guy MIGHT be your soul mate

me: please shut up and tell me everything

Eddie: this guy is like
funny
cute
in that
scruffy
glasses
way
he puts on a motion suit for no reason
and makes jokes about eartha kitt
Eddie: and then at some point goes
"we have bloopers too oh no my hand fell off"
and there's this horrid graphic
of like a cartoon hand falling off with blood giving him a stump shows up
he also got in trouble for giving stick figures to show 'evolution" a penis
and the network wouldn't air it
and he goes
"we've seen the tribes
they wear nothing
I figured i was doing historical justice but it made the network brown their shorts"
THE PHRASE
BROWN THEIR SHORTS"
HE LICKS A BATTERY MEG
SOUL MATE

you
are made
for this man
you two
would crack each other up
be artsy
you also know he is the type that would be like
MY GIRLFRIEND IS A BLOGGER
iI'M AWESOME
we will find a way
i think it must happen
fer reals
i felt magic
when i saw him meg

Now, you could have stopped her at "motion suit" and "jokes about Ertha Kitt" and I would have been sold right then and there. The fact that he licked a battery, made the network "brown their shorts" and apparently wouldn't be embarrassed of my blogging only makes me that much more interested. So I watched the clip. And holy. Crap. He is the man of my dreams. (Skip to 8 minutes in, then watch part 2.)




By the time I had watched both clips (repeatedly) (with wide eyes) (heart a-fluttering) (girlishly giggling) (on a fainting couch) Eddie had already found his name, his Twitter account, his Facebook and 9,000 other creepy fun facts about him. Meet Adam Lupsha!

Eddie: HE WEARS HATS
http://www.travelchannel.com/static_files/tc/imgs/show/bourdain/Season5A/photojournals/manhattan/bourdain_ss_nyc_0577.jpg
dude the internet
is lovely
found his twitter
http://twitter.com/adamlupsha
I'M SO CREEPY AT THIS
he doesnt really tweet
but his like 5 are gems
he also makes weird funny or die movies with friends
his blog for the show http://no-reservations-crew-blog.travelchannel.com/read/the-grill-of-my-dreams
OK I'M ENDING THIS
B/C I'M CREEPY
he grew up in hawaii
HAWAII
omg
your in laws would live in paradise
me: HAHAHAHAHA
Eddie: HE WENT TO HIGH SCHOOL IN PARADISE AND WAS A MINORITY WHITE KID
He was a minority in paradise
me: can we please make a band called "minority in paradise"?
Eddie: he is your soulmate
me: i feel like throughout our entire friendship, you've always know exactly what type of guy i'm going to end up
like you've always had this vision
Eddie: look
the kind of guy you need is you with more motivation
sorry if that was harsh
but you need you
with a better desire to stick it out with the man so you can do things like blog in your pjs
a guy that makes jokes about trust falls
and is a tad nerdy
but in a "it makes him a funny love able guy" way
the type of guy that can hold his own
and this kid? this kid is you.

From your mouth to God's ears, Eddie. From your mouth, to God's ears.

Now, if you've been keeping score at home, so far Mr. Lupsha has the following going for him:
+ Embodiment of Eddie's oddly specific fantasies
+ Scruffy
+ Glasses
+ Motion suit
+ Ertha Kitt jokes
+ Licks battery
+ Abstract salad metaphor
+ Rachel Ray joke
+ Has a Mr. T bobble head doll (True or false: my computer's name is Mr. T?.......True.)
+ Created the Over-Anatomically Correct Caveman

BUT GET THIS! It gets even better. He's a "fan" of three things on Facebook and one of them is a bar in Brooklyn called Bar Reis. BAR REIS WAS OUR CHEERS WHEN CO-BLOGGER CHRIS AND I LIVED IN BROOKLYN! It was our default, "What do you wanna do tonight?" "I dunno, what do you wanna do?" "Meh, I don't know." "........Bar Reis?" "Bar Reis," bar. I mean, is that fate or what?!?!?!!? Lord knows I've still got my white dress from high school graduation. I say we slather that thing up in some Crisco, squeeze me in, zip up, pop on down to city hall and make this thing legal. Right? RIGHT?!?!!

God. I just wish it were socially acceptable to send someone an email saying: "Hi. You don't know me and I don't know you but my best friend from college saw you on No Reservations, shamelessly stalked you down on the internet and all evidence points to you being my soul mate. And by evidence I mean you licked a battery and seem to have a sense of humor. (My standards are uniquely low, yet completely unattainable at the same time.) I'm going to go ahead and ask you to just trust me when I say I'm a moderately attractive 24 year-old writer and graphic designer from Washington, DC who is available to marry you whenevs whenevs. The sooner the better. KBAI!!!!"

But that's not acceptable...or is it?

God damnit, I'm creepy.