SUCK IT, NERDS!

OMG I fucking hate nerds.

If I could live my life all over again, I would be a jock in high school and a frat boy in college, specifically so I could shove nerds into lockers and give them wedgies and all of that.

Let me explain where this is coming from. Everyday from 9-5 I am surrounded by the worst nerds on the planet. People who got beat up in high school, but still decided to pursue the path of nerdery into college, where they failed with the opposite sex repeatedly BUT STILL decided to go on and get a degree in higher education in being a nerd. And so now they all come here to do their science experiments and circle jerk about how smart they are. I can freely admit that I had a brief foray into nerddom growing up, but I managed to major in biology without hiking my pants up to my nipples, slapping on a pocket protector, and jerking off to articles in Science magazine. But being the odd man out here (read: the only non-loser) I am in the minority, and the nerds are picking on me daily.

The people I work with cannot comprehend standard social graces. If you aren't a beaker or a bacteria, they have no idea how to interact with you. And so instead of being polite humans, they are routinely condescending, derogatory, or just outright rude.

Let me give you an example. Six months ago, I was asked to ship some stuff to Australia (which is a whole lot harder than you'd expect. Damn you, terrorists, for making my job more difficult), and I needed to ask someone in the lab for help. So I had to ask this douchebag nerd, and he agreed to help. I find out, six months later, that the shipment never went through. So I email around to find out what the problem was: the recipient tells me its the shipping company's fault, the shipping company tells me it was an internal issue, I email Dr. Douchebag to find out what's wrong. He catches me at the end of the day and tells me that he never received the samples to be shipped from our boss, but he made it seem like it was my fault. He also said that "It's a shame, because the shipping company was great to work with, but it was embarrassing that I never got those samples."

What the fuck are you guilting me about that for? I can't make our boss do something any faster than you can. And if that's really what was wrong, then why did our boss ask me what the holdup was on the shipment? Don't think you're pulling a fast one on me because I'm not as smart as you because I don't have a Ph.D. I have a P.H.D. which is way better. A pretty huge dick. I also have a personality, and the ability to make friends with things larger than bacteria. You might make more money than me right now, but you're also 35 and had to buy your wife from Russia (Seriously, this guy is a FOB from Ireland and his wife's name is Olga...draw your own conclusions). So why don't you take your shitty attitude, put it in a test tube, and shove it up your ass. But you're probably already going to have your mail order bride do that for you when you get home tonight anyway.

We here at 2birds are very much against the Meeks and nerds of the world. Please help us to end their individual reigns of terror. For every new person that friends us on Facebook, Meg will give a Meek a swirlie. For every new person who follows us on Twitter @2birds1blog @misterlizlemon, I will break a nerd's glasses. And for every person you pass this blog along to, Meg and I will both shove a Meek/nerd into a locker.