Recrap Tuesdays

The City
Recapped by Chris
Who out there doesn’t enjoy reminiscing about the holidays? Remember how much fun that office Christmas party was? Or how much of a show New Year’s Eve was? Well thanks this week’s episode of The City, we get to see how the other half (the televised half) of the population celebrates the holidays. Obviously it is not with their families, as no one even mentioned going home. Nor do gifts get exchanged. Holidays on The City are just like any other day; filled with heavily edited drama and awkward cousin on cousin action, only with more sequins. So, for old time’s sake, let’s don our gay apparel, roast some chestnuts on an open fire, pour some champagne and enjoy a very special holiday episode of:

The Shitty

[scene: Whitney’s apartment]
Whitney: Do you want to know something completely irrelevant to your life?
Erin: Of course. Is it that you aspire to be just a little bit more like Blossom everyday, and you’re going to start with a collection of ridiculous hats? Do you want me to start saying “Whoa!” all the time?
Whitney: I was considering it, but no, that’s not it. Adam and Jay are having issues because Allie doesn’t know how to use craigslist and find her own apartment.
Erin: Sucks. So, more importantly, this party we’re going to? What’s it like, i.e. will there be tequila?
Whit: Well it’s at Smooth’s loft (Ed. note: I refuse to acknowledge that anyone goes by the name of Smooth. We all know his name is really Marvin. And who is that much of a tool to have installed a permanent stripper pole in their apartment?), which I think is actually a club.
Erin: OMG fun! Can I dance on the pole?! Duncan is coming, that’ll be a nice treat for him. Also, JR is coming. I was reading 2birds1blog last week, and apparently I can’t have my cake and eat it too. But I really wish I could.

[scene: Once Upon a Tart]
Adam: Babe. Honey. Babe. Jay’s getting upset about you still being with us.
Allie: So basically, you’re saying that you want me to move out? Well, if that’s what you want, you can sleep with Jay because you won’t be getting this anymore.
Adam: Jay who? Baby. I love you.

[scene: Marvin’s loft]
Whitney: Is it weird that we are at someone’s apartment and don’t ever meet them? Also, those girls dancing by the poles definitely are not strippers. I think Marvin lied.
Erin: What? I can’t hear you. This holly garland is totally covering my ears. What? Duncan, I’m so glad you’re here, even if you do look vaguely like the Unabomber.
JR: Whoa. Hey, Erin. Hey Duncan. Awkwarddddd.
Duncan: Erin, we need to talk. Two words: not cool.
Erin: You have to understand that I love JR. I love JR. I can tell you this, right?
Duncan: No. No, I’m not ok with that. Are you serious?

[scene: Il Bastardo, Bro-Talk with Adam and Jay]
Adam: I want you to move out so I can sleep with my girlfriend in every part of the apartment.
Jay: Oh. Really? Well. Fuck you.

[scene: Erin’s apartment]
Erin: Thanks for being a gentleman last night.
Duncan: I want to hit JR.
Erin: It’s just that I’m not over him.
Duncan: I’m going to take him out back and shoot him Old Yeller style. I am going to gut JR like a fish.
Erin: You understand right?
Duncan: Growing out my beard for you has made me an angry person. Figure yourself out. I’m outta heeeee.
Erin: Oh, sad times.

[scene: Anonymous New Year’s Party]
Whit: Why is everyone wearing sequins? And top hats.
Erin: Isn’t this thing on my head divine? I’m definitely making out with someone at midnight because of my headpiece.
Whit: No. I think that’s false. Also, I think Niecy Nash from Reno 911 is at this party. Either that or her doppelganger was standing in front of us when we walked in.
Erin: Who cares? I don’t. Duncan broke up with me. That’s all I can talk about. And I don’t think he’s going to call.
Jay: OMG Adam is a dick. He wants me to move out.
Whit: I’m so sorry. Is there anything I can do?
Jay: Remember how at the beginning of the episode, you said you didn’t want anyone living with you? Did that apply to me?
Whit: Um. Yes. I guess I’ll just have to eat my words.
Jay: Great! So I’ll just stay with you and you can cook for me and do my laundry and it’ll be great!

Fin.