What did you want to be when you grew up?

[Before I get into today’s blog topic, I have some 2birds1blog news to share. Normally I avoid blog-promotion because it makes me feel self-obsessed and horribly uncomfortable. But then I remember I’m 23 years old and have to call home if I’m going to be out past 10pm on weeknights, and suddenly I don’t care what a self-obsessed a-hole I sound like. So listen up.

I cracked open my piggy bank, went to the nearest coin-star and bought the 2bird1blog domain. So if you’ve wanted to let your friends know about 2birds1blog but can never remember the annoying .blogspot.com extension, I’ve got you covered. Just tell your friends they can go to www.2birds1blog.com for their daily dose of slightly inappropriate post-college humor.

Oh, and if you think I’m just another pretentious, smug blogger who you refuse to help grow, let me remind you that I live at home, am unemployed, single and seriously considering a hostess position at Bennigan’s. You are without a doubt better than me. Help me help myself.

And now back to your regularly scheduled post…]

I’ve always been an extremely goal-oriented individual. If there’s a goal I want to achieve, nothing will stop me from figuring out a way to make it happen. But for the first time in my life, I don’t really have a goal. I’m just sort of pursuing the field of slack-assery these days with no greater goal in sight. I worked hard in high school to get into a good college; I worked harder in college to get a good design job in NYC after graduation. After I got a good design job and moved to NYC, I realized that wasn’t what I wanted do after all. Now my daily goals include remembering to DVR South Park and research the benefits of soymilk.

Inspired by an old post from my ex-co-blogger Eddie, I cataloged my career dreams of yesteryear to see if they can guide me towards a direction for the future.

When I Grow Up, I Wanted to be…

A Stand-Up Comedian

This is the first thing I can remember ever wanting to be. I remember standing in front of the brick fireplace in our family room and pretending I was doing stand-up at a club. Even at the tender age of five I was jaded and full of zingers. I don’t know whether to be worried or impressed.

An Astronaut

I wanted to be an astronaut in the worst way ever. And I really do mean in the worst way. Like in a socially awkward, spent too much time at the Natural Wonders store in White Flint mall kind of way. I’m slightly embarrassed to say I had a pretty sick telescope and multiple posters of the planets adorning my bedroom walls (specifically one with mystic-looking wolves howling at the moon.) However, in third grade I took my first plane ride and had a slightly Autistic reaction to the sensation of one’s ears popping. I asked my third grade teacher, Mrs. Dougherty, if astronaut’s ears pop when they go into outer space. She said that she believed so, and that ended that. Good one Mrs. Dougherty…

A Model

I’m not being cocky when I say that I was an absurdly cute child. It’s just a fact. I have the photographic evidence to prove it. I was a regular in-store model for Limited Too and did local runway work with Nordstroms. Then puberty hit and I got horrible acne and developed more curves than a spiraling staircase. What sort of sick God allows you to peak at eleven?!

A Pension Fund Manager

This is the schmuckiest childhood dream I can think of and I’m embarrassed it was mine. I distinctly remember asking my dad what job would ensure I make a ridiculous amount of money and live in New York City. He said a Pension Fund Manager, and a dream was born. The dream died the minute I found out what a Pension Fund Manager actually does, however.

Fashion Editor/Stylist

This was my dream throughout late junior high and most of my high school career. I worked diligently towards the goal, obsessively focused on getting into NYU and becoming the next Fashion Editor of Jane magazine. I had an unfortunate rude-awakening, however, and realized I would need either an eating disorder or raging heroin addiction before anyone would take me seriously in the New York fashion world. My guidance counselor then sent NYU the wrong SAT scores and I was Rejected with a capital R. One failed appeal and a suicide watch later, I settled on becoming…

A Journalist

Newspaper was my favorite class in High School and I got into SOC at AU. With an apathetic shrug of my shoulders that was that. However, freshman year I took Intro to Graphic Design as an elective and ended up making it my major.

A Graphic Designer

See blog posts from September 2007-July 2008.

A Professional Character

See blog posts from August 2008-Last week.

Taking into account professional experience and training, the only childhood dreams that are still feasible are Stand-up Comedian and Model. However, I’m not aggressive enough to be a Comedian and not thin/pretty enough to be a Model. What’s a good job for a painfully average female? Shit…why do is it always come back to Jewish Egg Donor?!