SSSSSSURVEY SAYS!

So before we delve into the topic of today’s joint update, I have something to share. Please look at this ad I saw on facebook:



“Gross, Lose Weight”??? BBBBAHAHA! That is the most direct weight loss advertising strategy I’ve ever seen. Every time I read it, I hear it in this really distinct, bitchy, sorority voice in my head (not that I’m hating on sorority girls, Eddie was my Big!) I seriously saved the screen shot I took of this ad to my desktop. Every time I feel like going to the vending machine to get some M&M’s, I just open it up and jog a few laps around the office instead.

Anyway, let’s get to today’s update. When I occasionally get bored at work, sometimes I like to find a random person’s livejournal and read it like a book. Sometimes you just need to read an emo teenager’s online diary full of tildes and asterisks, poor grammar, shit talking, My Chemical Romance lyric references and more angst than Hot Topic can shake a stick at. My favorite part of livejournal is the inane personal surveys people fill out. You learn 100 uninteresting facts about random people that you never really wanted to know! These surveys are so un-interesting; I decided Eddie and I should fill one out. I know you’re all dying to know what shampoo we use! ~~**~~ReAD & FiLL It Out BITcHeZZZ!~~**~~

Eddie’s Survey!

1. What time did you get up this morning?
6:45 am-I sat in bed for about 15 minuets figuring out my outfit.

2. What is your favorite color?
American Apparel-Asphalt
Paper Source- Pool

3. Do you like to read?
I’m that girl in the office that reads the New York Times front to back every day and is in the know about every other current event. Why? Because if I am going to sit at my desk, I might as well learn something about the world.

4. Have you ever been in love?
If the standard of love is “never having to say you are sorry,” then that is questionable. But, if “the love you take equal to the love you make” then I would say yes, because I have taken lots of love.

5. How do you take your coffee?
Nuked soy milk and sugar vanilla syrup (in a giant latte cup). I keep the bottle of syrup in my desk because others steal it if I keep it out. I’m 90% sure my office mates think I have a drinking problem and I spike my coffee every morning.

6. Do you eat breakfast?
Hells yes.

7. Do you prefer sleeping alone?
No, however my current bed (http://2birds1blog.blogspot.com/2008/01/snow-angels.html) situation makes it hard to share. My damn little kid bed is the ultimate cunt block.

8. Do you smoke cigarettes?
As a hypochondriac, the last thing I would do is purposefully expose myself to cancer.

9. Have you ever burnt your hair?
Yes, in 1995 I burnt a chunk of it with a curling iron all Little Women style.

10. Do you sleep with a pillow?
What freak does not use a pillow/I should probs date them because I am a pillow hog.

11. What are your habits?
This is vague, but I am going to assume this means daily routine:
6:45 -7:45 am wake up/get dressed/dance around/get to work
7:45-8 Make BKFST at work
8-5: Work (?) and thank Jesus every 10 minuets for g-chat
5-6: Home/Shower
6-7: Eat
7-10: Movies/TV/HULU
10-6:45am: Sleep (yes I am an old lady…I live alone don’t judge)

12. Do you want kids?
At this moment, no. But people I went to high school with seem to be breeding which is odd. A large chunk of them have changed their facebook photos to the fetus/inside of their uterus. That’s exactly what I want to see when I am trying to figure out who has made a mess of their life already—your spawn inside of your body.

13. Are you an only child?
I am your typical older sister.

14. Do you like road trips?
Do you think a girl who hates road trips would drive across country twice?

15. Where do you work?
For a non-profit with a bunch of nuns.

16. Do you brush your teeth in the shower?
NO because I have an electric tooth brush and that’s bad for business. One time in the dorms, a girl was using an electric toothbrush in the shower. Because she was in the shower, I could not see her brushing her teeth. I was convinced by the sounds she was going to town with herself in the communal shower. (Comment from Patsy who is editing this: LOLZ, who was it?)

17. What did you do tonight/last night?
Insurance guy appraised my car due to a fender bender. I took a shower, made dinner, and watched Anne Of Green Gables the sequel.

18. Do you prefer being single, or in a relationship??
Depends, I am starting to think I might be ready for a relationship/regular sex.

19. Have you had many relationships?
Lets put it this way, my sister is 18 and her longest relationship is 8.6 times longer then anything I have ever had and I am in my early mid 20’s.

20. What is your deepest secret?
I am strong enough for a man, but Ph balanced for a woman.

21. Have you ever been cheated on?
You have to be in a real relationship to be cheated on and as stated, high school kids have had more meaningful sexual relationships then I have.

22. Once a cheater, always a cheater?
Ok just because I used to cheat all the time in high school on tests, and in elementary school I knew when to stop and I never cheated in college.

23. Pajamas or naked?
PJs that always look cute.

24. What do you take when you have a headache?
Web MD headaches until I am CONVINCED I have brain cancer and then call my mom and tell her I am dying. She laughs at me and tells me to take Advil and I tell her that I will not take pills because it will make me freak out more. Then I put on my glasses and my headache goes away.

25. Roughing it or luxury hotel?
My idea of roughing it is a motel 6…

26. Beach or pool?
I thought all beaches were awesome until I went to the Oregon Coast. Yes it is beautiful but not a lounge swimmy beach by any means. This makes me lean towards pool, but a private pool.

27. Would you give your number out to a stranger?
I did last night to Jeff the Insurance guy (in a not sexual way).

28. Ever hitch-hiked?
No, but after a discussion with my uncle I found out that schools found it reasonable until the 1970’s to not have busses pick students up, but make students hitchhike to school.

29. Ever picked up a hitchhiker?
Do I have a death wish?

30. Roses or daisies?
Yellow roses of danger.

31. Do you consider yourself conceited?
At times, like when Chris and I were in the small town gay bar and realized we were the hottest and coolest thing there.

32. Is your hair its original color?
I have never dyed my hair aside from a horrible sun-in incident that took forever to grow out.

33. Do you wear makeup?
I never leave the house without putting on my face.

34. Do you eat ranch with your pizza?
Do I want to have a heart attack by the time I am 30? No.

35. Do you believe in God?
I refuse to comment.

36. Do you have a crush on anybody right now?
I want to fuck Ellen Page, she is my DREAM GIRL. Cute, funny, deep voice, femme but still a little hidden tomboy, OH AND CANADIAN! (Comment from Patsy who is editing this: I hate Ellen Page a lot…this upsets me)

37. Does he/she know it?
No, but in my dreams we meet at a charity fundraiser!

38. What was the last thing you ate?
A Granny Smith apple.

40. Where is your favorite place to be?
Dupont Circle. (Comment from Patsy who is editing this: HA! You’re gay!)

41. Do you think you're attractive?
I am cute for a lesbian.

42. Are you allergic to anything?
Don’t even get me started, I have many allergies and I start to sound like Bill from Freaks and Geeks when I list them all. I also have allergies that are not confirmed but I am CONVINCED I have.

43. Ever had your heart broken?
Yes.

44. Who was the last person to hurt you?
The lady who I got in a fender bender with, if you mean hurt me you mean damaged my property.

45. Who was the last person you hurt?
See above.
46. Do you wear socks to bed?
My feet get freakishly cold so socks in the colder months is a must and during that time I rock my pair of thigh high socks to bed.

47. How do you feel about breast implants?
I like girls with little tits.

48. What kind of shampoo do you use?
FREE PANTINE PRO-V that someone donated and the nuns were all, “What do we do with this? We don’t give away giant bottles because then people will argue over bottle size!”
Like a super hero I flew scooped it up and said, “I can fix this situation.”

49. Have you ever been in love?
Yes I have.

50. Do you think love is real for young people?
Looking back I think the first love is the purest form of love. My first emotional thing also made me realize I was a big giant homo so there are a few things attached to that…

52. What are you?
A Lady

53. Say your opinion, or keep it to yourself?
Depends on the situation, if it will make the professor hate me or lower my grade in some way I keep it all to myself.

54. The snow or the sun?
FUCK SNOW.

55. Have you ever been out of the country?
Oh Canada, and the mother land (Ireland).

56. Where do you want to raise your family?
A major city probably on the East Coast.

57. The city life, or the quiet?
At 14 I thought, “I hate the suburbs, I always want to be in the city” and for some reason after college I thought “lets move out to a tiny town for a year!” I should have re-read my teenage diary.

58. A club, or movie night?
Movie.

59. Mercedes or BMW?
Whichever car has the higher blue book value so I can sell it to fund my desire to be in school forever.

60. Do you like to dress up?
Everyday.

61. How long does it take you to get ready after you get out of bed?
I usually try on about 3-5 outfits before I decide on what to wear, and the outfit dictates hair style and make up and jewelry and shoes. It takes about 45 min to an hour to get out the door ready (barring the 10 min it takes for me to find my keys).

62. Describe your perfect type of girl/boy?
Each female applicant is evaluated on a case by case basis.

63. Save your money or spend it?
I am a penny pincher who likes to spend her money on DEALS and Education.

64. Do you wear a belt?
Now that this belted waist look is in vogue yes, but not normally.

65. How many pairs of jeans do you have?
4 normal pairs, 1 pair I wear in situations such as painting, and 1 pair of jeans for when I am bloated and my normal jeans don’t fit or I want to feel skinny. Every woman needs a pair of fat jeans.

66. Do you want to get married in a church?
Not really because the church of my people regard my bedroom actions as sinful.

67. Shower in the morning or night?
Post work. Trust me, if you worked with homeless populations you would shower the second you got home too.

68. Is there ever a justified reason to lie?
If lying to your parents could be awarded with degrees I would be in the middle of working on my PHD dissertation.

69. Favorite Disney movie?
Cartoon- The Lion King
Human- The Parent Trap Lindsay Lohan ed.

70. What's your favorite movie?
Dr. Zivago (the best movie that led me to make one of the worst decisions my entire college career).

71. Shorts or jeans/pants?
Skirts/dresses.

73. Do you think you and your best friend will still be best friends in 10 years?
Yes, thanks to the INTERNETS.

74. Who's your bestfriend?
I have much IK love, along with a few others I’ve picked up along the road of life. Wait, if life is a road and a pick friends up then friends are hitchhikers…FUCK CHANGE MY ANSWER TO QUESTION #29 to “only friends on the road of life” yeah that sounds better.

75. Are you a good girlfriend/boyfriend?
You would have to ask my exes…

76. Do you like being in a relationship?
From time to time.

77. Hats or no hats?
I wish we lived in a time where people wore hats.

78. Do you fall for people easily?
When I meet someone I like I do, but that is rare.

79. Is it hard for you to open up to people?
Not really.

80. Do you watch what you eat?
Yes, I fear death.

82. What do you want to be in the future?
Someone who has a nice office with lots of fancy diplomas on their wall.

84. True love never dies?
Well love is not a breathing thing so I do not think it can die. But then again the French translation of the word orgasms is little death so I guess love could die. Plus memories in the corners of my mind misty water colored memories of the way we were do not go away.

85. If you could change one thing about your physical appearance what would it be?
Perfect teeth, like freakishly celebrity white teeth.

86. Mom or dad?
Depends what I need.

87. How long have you known your best friend?
N/A (Comment from Patsy who is editing this: I’ll answer this for you, you’ve known me since 2003)

88. What’s your favorite meal of the day?
Linner.

89. Do you have any secrets?
They are strong enough for a man but PH balanced for a woman.

90. What is your worst fear?
Dying physically alone, I just want someone else in the room just in case I could be saved.

91. Do you play hard to get?
Not really.
92. Are you hard to get?
No I pretty much check my e-mail and phone with regularity.

93. Do you like Memphis?
I have no opinion on Memphis.

94. Do you use an umbrella?
Ella-ella-ella.

95. Night or day?
A hard day’s night.

96. Where was the last place you went to out-of-state?
I am going to Portland Oregon tomorrow for the weekend. I have lived in Washington State for 10 months now, but I consider myself living perpetually out of state.

98. Do you consider yourself 'nice'?
Not really, Westerns are fucking nice people and I have realized I am little more then a rude Eastern and I am ok with that.

99. Are you fake?
When I answer phones.

100. What should you be doing right now?
“Working”


Patsy’s Survey!
1. What time did you get up this morning?
My alarm went off at 6, I thought to myself “you really need to get up” at 6:30, and I got out of bed at 6:50.

2. What is your favorite color?
My standard answer to this question is black, but then I sound like a gothtard. My favorite color combination is chartreuse, chocolate and bluebell (Paper Source, ever heard of it?).

3. Do you like to read?
Not really. I know that sounds ignorant, but fuck you. Reading makes me sleepy and my little ADD mind gets bored with a book very easily.

4. Have you ever been in love?
No. I thought I was in love once, but it turns out I was just bored.

5. How do you take your coffee?
Large and black. (that’s what she said!) That’s actually not true, I just wanted to make that joke. Large, skim milk, 2 sugars (REAL sugar, not splenda, equal, sweet and low or any of that chalky tasting cancer crap).

6. Do you eat breakfast?
Yes. Fruit and coffee once I get to work.

7. Do you prefer sleeping alone?
Very much so. When I sleep with someone, I get really paranoid that I’m taking up too much room or hogging the covers, so I literally sleep on the very edge of the bed. I wake up in intense pain the next morning because I’ve been clinging to the edge of the bed in the fetus position all night.

8. Do you smoke cigarettes?
No.* There’s an asterisk there because there are times when I will smoke a cigarette. In school I would smoke a cigarette when I was unbelievably stressed out or overwhelmed with a design project. I also sometimes smoke when I’m drunk. I don’t classify myself as a smoker, and I couldn’t tell you the last time I had a cigarette. While we’re on the topic, I’m really offended by preachy anti-smokers. Yea cigarettes will kill you and it’s not a wise choice, but it’s your life, do what you want. Preachy anti-smokers think they’re such better people because they don’t smoke. You probably do something just as detrimental to your body, so just let people be unless they’re blowing smoke around you. Whenever I see those Truth Campaign commercials (specifically the ones with the songs “The Magical Amount” and “It Must Have Been a Typo,”) I want to punch those people in the face and shake Joe Camels hoof.

9. Have you ever burnt your hair?
I flat iron my hair, so yes. But nothing too tramatic.

10. Do you sleep with a pillow?
I sleep with two pillows and a giant snuggly stuffed fox named Jason.

11. What are your habits?
Coffee, alcohol, swearing and sleeping—all in excess amounts.

12. Do you want kids?
Yes, but I get really scared that I’m going to have a MEEK for a kid. I talked to my dad recently about how you avoid that.

13. Are you an only child?
No, I have a sister.

14. Do you like road trips?
YES! In a very big way. I’ve been on so many comical road trips I don’t even know where to start.

15. Where do you work?
I work for a very evil magazine in New York City.

16. Do you brush your teeth in the shower?
No. And it freaks me out when people do…although now that I think about it, I don’t really know why it freaks me out so much.

17. What did you do tonight/last night?
Last night I got home from work, took a nap and went to the Park Slope Ale House with my roommates. Tonight I’m taking a bus to D.C. and partying with my college friends, as it’s American University graduation weekend! Go Eagles and such!

18. Do you prefer being single, or in a relationship??
No clue, I’ve never been in a proper relationship.

19. Have you had many relationships?
I haven’t had a proper “Hey, this is my boyfriend ______“ relationship. The gents come and go, but it never gets to serious.

20. What is your deepest secret?
I killed a man in Reno. With my bare hands.

21. Have you ever been cheated on?
Well I don’t know if you can technically be cheated on if you’re not in an official relationship. I have been hooking up with someone and I thought we were on the road to a relationship, and it turns out they’re secretly seeing someone else, or just hooked up with one of my friends or blah blah blah.

22. Once a cheater, always a cheater?
Probably.

23. Pajamas or naked?
Pajamas, unless it’s really hot and then I like to sleep topless. Which makes the apartment interesting because Blair’s bed faces mine and we don’t shut the door between our joining rooms. Then he tries to ravage me when I’m asleep and it’s super awkward walking to work the next morning.

24. What do you take when you have a headache?
2 Motrin and drink something with caffeine.

25. Roughing it or luxury hotel?
Luxury.

26. Beach or pool?
Pool at the beach. (“He’s got a pool! He’s got a god damn pool at the god damn beach!”………..yes? no? Weekend at Bernie’s quotes anyone?)

27. Would you give your number out to a stranger?
Depends how attractive the stranger is.

28. Ever hitch-hiked?
Jesus God no.

29. Ever picked up a hitchhiker?
“It puts the lotion on the skin or else it gets the hose again.” And that’s all I have to say to that.

30. Roses or daisies?
Roses.

31. Do you consider yourself conceited?
Not in the very least.

32. Is your hair its original color?
I have no idea what my natural hair color is. I have been the following: blonde, dark brown, pink, nutmeg brown, dark red, reddish blonde, and it is currently black.

33. Do you wear makeup?
Yes.

34. Do you eat ranch with your pizza?
No. But when I totally did in Elementary School when we got square pizzas on Pizza Fridays.

35. Do you believe in God?
I believe in a God-like situation.

36. Do you have a crush on anybody right now?
OH EM GEE yes…His name is Ryan and I’m totally on the prowl.

37. Does he/she know it?
No. But as soon as I hunt him down I’ll let him know.

38. What was the last thing you ate?
Venti vanilla latte.

40. Where is your favorite place to be?
In NYC: Bryant Park
In DC: My sister’s roof in Dupont Circle
In Olney: Anna’s hot tub drunk with mah girlzzzz
Abroad: The Rock in Cinque! And I’ll be there again so soon I’m about to pee myself.

41. Do you think you're attractive?
I don’t, but I’m spending lots on therapy to change that.

42. Are you allergic to anything?
Raw cinnamon makes me break out in a rash around my mouth. I’m also allergic to poison ivy. I used to get it a lot in Elementary School and my mom would call me Elephant Man because my face would puff up and get all jacked up.

43. Ever had your heart broken?
Yea, but when I look back I’m like “why the hell did I care that much?” and I feel really stupid.

44. Who was the last person to hurt you?
God. Who made it rain. Which made my hair frizz.

45. Who was the last person you hurt?
I have no idea. I had beef with Blair last night, so maybe him? I don’t think I hurt him though, I think I just ticked him off. We’re roommates, it’s what we do.

46. Do you wear socks to bed?
No and it really stresses me out when I do because I’m totally neurotic like that.

47. How do you feel about breast implants?
I would never get them, but only because I already have freak-show huge boobs. But if someone else wants to get ‘em, mozel tov.

48. What kind of shampoo do you use?
Aussie. I got it only because I wanted to be able to say that I “added some roo to my doo,” and then it made my hair really soft. I win twice!

49. Have you ever been in love?
No. Didn’t we already go over this?

50. Do you think love is real for young people?
I think young people can be in love. But you’re young so you change and develop and mature as a person. You might not like the person you’re in love with anymore after the inevitable changes. I used to love white boys who dressed like thugs. If I married one in Middle School, I’d shoot myself now. Or he’d shoot me depending on how legitimately thugged out he is.

51. ? ?

52. What are you?
Not existential, so I don’t have a good answer for this question.

53. Say your opinion, or keep it to yourself?
These days I’m saying it more and more.

54. The snow or the sun?
Snow!

55. Have you ever been out of the country?
Cayman Islands, Canada, Iceland, Ireland, France, Italy, Belgium, Germany, Switzerland, Netherlands and Spain.

56. Where do you want to raise your family?
Either NYC or DC. I want to raise my family in a city without a doubt.

57. The city life, or the quiet?
CITY LIFE.

58. A club, or movie night?
Movie night. But with cocktails.

59. Mercedes or BMW?
I’m loyal to BMWs because my dad drove 2, and James Bond drove a BMW in my favorite Bond movie.

60. Do you like to dress up?
Ohhhhh yes.

61. How long does it take you to get ready after you get out of bed?
1.5 hours.

62. Describe your perfect type of girl/boy?
Recipe for Patsy’s Perfect Boy: dresses well but not in a metrosexual or hipster kind of way, has tattoos, strong forearms (sexiest part of a dude in my opinion), is not manorexic, plays an instrument, is not pseudo-intellectual, doesn’t like talking about politics, has a silly sense of humor, very outgoing, honest, likes witty banter, likes PDA, likes to snuggle, loves my friends and can handle what a complete quirky nut job I am.

63. Save your money or spend it?
I am the most irresponsible person with money you will ever meet in your entire life.

64. Do you wear a belt?
I usually do with jeans.

65. How many pairs of jeans do you have?
5 I think.

66. Do you want to get married in a church?
Not at all, unless it’s really important to the person I’m marrying.

67. Shower in the morning or night?
Morning.

68. Is there ever a justified reason to lie?
To save your own ass. Just kidding. Not really.

69. Favorite disney movie?
Beauty and the Beast.

70. What's your favorite movie?
Bring It On: In It To Win It

71. Shorts or jeans/pants?
Shorts? HAH! Not fucking likely.

73. Do you think you and your best friend will still be best friends in 10 years?
I would like to think so.

74. Who's your bestfriend?
I have a billion best friends. I say that not in a cocky way, but because I’m one of those people who if I like you, I’m like “OH MY GOD DO YOU WANT TO BE BFFS MAXPOWER?!??!?!!?!”

75. Are you a good girlfriend/boyfriend?
I’ve never been someone’s girlfriend, but I hope I will be a good gf one day.

76. Do you like being in a relationship?
I like making out.

77. Hats or no hats?
I can’t really pull off hats, but I envy those who can.

78. Do you fall for people easily?
Yes. I fall in love on the subway at least 2 times a day.

79. Is it hard for you to open up to people?
It’s hard for me to open up to people about serious stuff.

80. Do you watch what you eat?
Yes.

82. What do you want to be in the future?
I don’t know and it causes me extreme anxiety every day.

84. "True love never dies"?
Yes. My parents are about to celebrate their 35th anniversary. If you’re lucky enough to find true love, rock that shit!

85. If you could change one thing about your physical appearance what would it be??
I want more tattoos but I don’t want to deal with the haters.

86. Mom or dad?
What a fucked up question. Both.

87. How long have you known your best friend?
I think I’ve known my oldest best friend since third grade.

88. Whats your favorite meal of the day?
Brunch.

89. Do you have any secrets?
Yea, but I don’t think I have a personal secret I haven’t told at least one person.

90. What is your worst fear?
One of my family members dying.

91. Do you play hard to get?
Uh, no. I need to work on that.

92. Are you hard to get?
I don’t think so. I think I’m pretty easy to relate to.
93. Do you like Memphis?
I’ve never been to Memphis.

94. Do you use an umbrella?
Yes, it has adorable little poodles on it.

95. Night or day?
I love the nightlife. I’ve got ta boogie.

96. Where was the last place you went to out-of-state?
I’ve made the trek from NY to DC a billion times, besides that, I guess Europe. But that’s out of the country. I guess the last state I went to that wasn’t between NY and DC was Florida when I went to Miami last spring.

98. Do you consider yourself 'nice'?
Here’s my policy: if you’re nice to me, I’ll be the nicest most fun person ever to you. If you’re not nice to me, I can be a snobby, elitist, snarky, unnecessary cunty bitch to you. Just be nice! Geez!

99. Are you fake?
I’m not fake to my friends.

100. What should you be doing right now?
Nothing. I guess I should be responding to Eddie on gchat, but I think she’ll understand that working on the blog comes first.