First Grade Frustration

As you all can tell I have writing issues. Spelling and grammar mistakes are just a tip of the iceberg; I also have horrid handwriting.

When I was in elementary school I was pulled out of “normal” class to work on my handwriting/spelling. Twice a week I walked myself to a small room behind the cafatorium. Once there I was greeted by a sweet young teacher who would fill my time with arbitrary therapeutic tasks such as pulling pegs out of clay.

I was not the only student in my class; there were other “special” kids. A set of mildly inbred twins would join in on our fun! And there was a girl with an IQ below 65 who had a drooling problem. Occasionally drooling girl would have a fits that required physical restraint and transfer to a padded room.

My “issues” team decided my love for crafts could be combined with therapy for optimum results. On Fridays I would bring home potholders, paint by number projects, coasters, and crappy spelling tests. I was a frustrated perfectionist child with a major flaw. I wanted a normal well adjusted childhood; I was already a chubby kid so having classes with the weird smelling farm boys did not help social prospects. After one grueling spelling test I decided to give up, I resolved to fight fire with cheating.

To understand my method a visual is necessary.

I hid my spelling list (aka crib sheet) in the desk slot. Due to the desktop overhang my secret was hidden from the world. I knew getting every word right was not a wise move, a kid was could not fail for years and magically start pulling 115% (ahh bonus words.) I decided to gradually increase my cheating to curb adult suspicion.

To this day I am surprised none of the adults in my life caught on to the scheme. I was praised by everyone; it appeared all the hard work paid off.
- The educators were happy. The system worked another kid saved!
- I was happy! Goodbye friendship with farm twins and drooling girl!
- My parents were happy because Thursdays no longer consisted of Eddie sobbing at the dinner table for hours trying (with no luck) to spell words correctly!

I know my flaw is hard for several of you 2birds readers. The world is not perfect, and I am no exception. You might be thinking to yourself “Well Eddie, if you just kept trying and did not take the easy way out with cheating maybe you would improve.” Well readers (all two of you) turns out that is not true. Later it was discovered I have a nice little disorder with a fancy name that makes writing very difficult.

I have embraced my failures completely. Unlike most people I do not avoid things because of my weakness, I would not be blogging if that was the case. I ask for y’all to dig deep and find it in your hearts to love me, visible flaws and all.

I wish I could quit you,

Eddie